Welcome to Kill Thinking.

This website's purpose is to get kids THINKING... despite what the name might suggest. Created by Joel Kornek, a victim of the Dawson College school shooting. It contains information and insight into school violence and bullying, and also provides an online discussion forum that offers quick support from like-minded youth on a variety of topics. You are encouraged to ask for help or offer any help that you can give to those who need it, which means that you can really connect with people your age whenever needed. Check it out and tell your friends about it!

I wouldn’t be here today if a friend hadn’t reached out and told me she was worried and thought I needed help. Read my story and find out more!

Joel Kornek - Founder

It began as a normal day...

But, on September 13th, 2006, my own life would be changed forever. As I stood waiting for my girlfriend at a microwave in the cafeteria of Dawson College in Montreal, I saw a man dressed in a black trench coat put down a duffel bag and begin to pull out guns.

I watched in shock as he pulled a Glock 9mm handgun from the bag and loaded it calmly. I thought it was a joke, and before I could react he was holding an assault rifle in his other hand. With the handgun he fired 3 warning shots to get everyone’s attention. One into the floor, then one into me, and one into my girlfriend.

I turned and ran for my life, but it was too late. A shock throughout my body made me aware that I had been shot. Lifting my shirt to see gunshot holes from my chest bleeding profusely, I realized that this was the end.

They say that before you die, you see your life flash before your eyes, but as I ran, the only thing I could see was my future. I kept picturing a life I would never have, a life that would be taken away from me.

That was the last moment that I lived the innocence of life. In a split second I had gone from nothing more than a student, minding his own business, to the victim of a murderer fixed on killing everyone in the school. The odds that this would happen to me are less than 0.001%, yet I found myself an hour later in the hospital, having just seen my own death and with 6 gunshot holes in my body.

Kornek after being shot on September 13th, his girlfriend behind him on a stretcher

Not only had I been hit, in a semi-unconscious state with me was my girlfriend, who had suffered a near-fatal gunshot wound to the abdomen. I kept reaching for her hand and telling her to hold on, but at the same time it seemed that nothing I did would make a difference. The girl I loved was dying in front of me and there was nothing I could say or do to change this. The wait for an ambulance took almost an hour, and had it taken 6 minutes longer, she would not have lived.

At the hospital they finally told me that things were a lot worse than I had expected. My girlfriend had been put into a coma. No matter how much we asked, they couldn't tell us if she was ever going to wake up. Her friends would call me in tears every day just to find out if she was still OK. I felt guilty, I felt powerless, and I wished it could have been me. Day by day I felt more nothingness.

And it just kept on getting worse...

Weeks went by and nothing seemed to be working anymore. Every time things got a little better, other things seemed to get a whole lot worse. Thankfully my girlfriend woke from her coma, but several weeks later, we realized life had become completely different and broke up. I chose to not talk to anyone about how I felt and pretended I was okay, but in reality I was a mess and felt completely alone.

Life was completely different. I had stopped sleeping and didn't want to leave the house anymore. When I looked in the mirror I couldn’t even recognize who I was. To try and cope, I began abusing antidepressants because I felt that the easiest way to escape what I was feeling was to numb myself to the point that I could no longer remember what had happened.

Kornek displays the 6 holes left by Kimveer Gill's bullet. "There will always be scars"

In November, I finally ran out of pills and crashed. I was angrier than ever and quick to point the blame on others for how I was feeling. I blamed the school, I blamed the shooter, I blamed the students at Dawson, but never once stopped to take a hard look at what I was doing to myself. I began drinking excessively and became frustrated and violent towards those around me. My ex-girlfriend suffered through countless nights of yelling and verbal abuse.  I even began thinking about killing myself.

A friend, who had been watching over me since the shooting, eventually realized what was happening and finally was able to convince me that I needed help. She dragged me down to the hospital and I finally realized that I couldn't handle things on my own anymore. I began to talk about how I felt. Over time I became more and more capable of dealing with what had happened, and realized that I had almost made the biggest mistake of my life.

I decided one day on my way home from the hospital that I wanted to make a difference because I didn’t want others to have to live through what I had experienced. I started a website to share my story and encourage others to seek help, and the feeling I got from it was something I had never experienced before. My life has taken on a whole new meaning, and taking a stand and helping others has been the most rewarding thing I could ever do.

It's been a year now, and although the wounds are still long to heal, knowing I can change at least one person's life is enough to keep me going.

This is the most important thing in my life, and there is nothing I wouldn't do to help any one of you. If you feel out of control please email me so that we can arrange a way to keep in touch. I have been through a lot of shit and I definately understand what you might be going through.

Help someone, or help yourself.

This site, is here for others that have felt just like me. We need to listen to each other and we need to help each other.  We have that power.  We all really do need someone to talk to, whether it is a friend, parent or teacher. All you need to do is find someone that you can trust. Keeping things inside and trying to handle it by alone doesn't always work.  Before we know it, things can spiral out of control.

I still find myself having trouble coping with what happened to me, but I’ve been spending almost every day since Dawson telling people my story, and it feels a lot better to talk about it rather than forget what happened. I wouldn't be here today if my friend hadn't spoken up and convinced me to talk to someone. A lot of us just need a place to talk about our problems, and we can offer you the Kill Thinking boards that are open around the clock!! Rather than kill yourself, rather than kill others, Kill off this Thinking. Find help, and offer help... If we can do it, you can too, so join us.

Don't want to join the boards, but want to talk with me privately? you can email me 24/7 at

joelkornek@killthinking.com

I respond to every email I recieve, normally within 1-2 days (but sometimes it can take a lot longer if I get a lot... don't despair). If you have questions, comments, suggestions... anything, just write.

THE FUTURE: Teen Truth

In 2007, Joel joined TEEN TRUTH: LIVE, an interactional presentation on school violence, in order to tell his moving story and deliver a powerful message of hope and survival. He is currently touring schools in the Montreal area.

click the image for more information on Teen Truth Live

Joel's frightening account of the Dawson College Shooting has also been featured on the CBC, CTV and Radio Canada and in many major Canadian newspapers. Currently, Joel is studying to become a teacher at McGill University in Montreal.

This website is dedicated to all those affected by September 13th and any other school shootings.

To the girl I never got to know, and that was taken too soon.